Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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