Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
