Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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