is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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