Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
