I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Operation Purity has been aborted
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
