Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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