I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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