i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
