I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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