At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
someone owes me an orgasm
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
