i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
