I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
