i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
