Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
me + whiskey = a bad person
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
