Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
