Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
