She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
