I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize