I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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