if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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