You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
