Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize