So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
