i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
