so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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