in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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