Soap is not a condiment
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
