im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize