that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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