I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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