420 ftw
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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