well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
