I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
