I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
