Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize