If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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