who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
