I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
