It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
