totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
