I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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