i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
