Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
