I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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