I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
