There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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