Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
