yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
