There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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