oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
foreskin is a definite game changer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
