People in love make me want to vomit
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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