I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You need Xanax blowdarts
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
