I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
