Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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