i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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