The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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