i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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