Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
