I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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