Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sober January is a disaster.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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