I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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