My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
