Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
