I want to make a zoo with you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
