seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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