I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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