its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
