New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
