do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
