I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
